My Four Christmas Lessons

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I’m writing this a bit late as we are now well and truly in the New Year. We have been so busy having our gorgeous friends and family over Christmas and New Year that we have now been enjoying a bit of ‘us’ time before we all have to resentfully return to work and school. I have just sent my hubby off to the shops with our little fog horn so I could have a much needed relaxing bath but instead have opted to use this rare opportunity to have a recap of our festive season as I am not really one for New Year’s resolutions.

1. Children at Christmas. Having a child at Christmas really is the best. Our son Jack is four and was truly so excited this year which has made us feel like kids again too! I can only liken it to the hysterical state I would be in at the prospect of meeting Daniel Craig (I would lose my shit)! Over the festive season, we were also thrilled to discover his newly found love of dancing through listening to Christmas songs (that’s Jack not Daniel Craig, although I am sure he is a very talented dancer). He has perfected dance moves that seem to channel Run DMC style break dancing and booty shaking Beyonce (something I am very proud of)! Hubby and I were so giddy after leaving the obligatory mince pie etc. for Santa and were up way before Jack on Christmas morning to see if he’d been (something I came to regret when I was shattered later on in the day and had to cook Christmas dinner). I will never forget the pure joy and elation on Jack’s face after he burst into the living room and shouted into the distance; ‘Thank you Santa’!

2. School Christmas Carnage Show. I can only liken the trauma that was the Christmas Nativity (that’s what it is people stop being politically correct) to something like a scene you would expect to find in some apocalyptic film. Specifically the scenes where people had lost all sense of themselves and spiralled into a mad panic looting shops and smashing windows. Jack was so excited to be a soldier despite the fact I realised this was a role given to the group of kids who were not as theatrically capable lets say (I know this as I was given the role of a ‘Down and Out’ in our Bugsy Malone production at primary school and it still hurts). The hubby and I were looking forward to seeing Jack singing his songs and doing his little march that he had been practicing at home, however we obviously missed the memo that instructed; come an hour earlier than told if you have any hope glimpsing your child let alone get a seat. It really was carnage and when we finally glimpsed a view of his little ginger head bopping up and down whilst marching some lady barged me out of the way to take a photo of her kid sitting down picking his nose! So no Grandparents we didn’t get a photo, sorry.

3. Alcohol Transformed Me Into Nigella. I like to think I am a fairly competent cook (don’t we all haha). However, due to doing the rounds of our four sets of parents the last few Christmases has meant we have been waited on. This year it was our turn to host and have my Mum, Brother, Nephew respective partners and a dog. I always feel a sense of pressure delivering a good quality Christmas dinner and do have a tendency to go slightly Hyacinth Bouquet. One year despite getting the frozen turkey out the night before, much to our horror in the morning it was still rock solid. Needless to say, after several desperate attempts to thaw the bastard out, when my Mother arrived it was in the microwave and the end product was very chewy and dry although no one dared to admit it. This year thanks to M&S and lots of champagne in the morning I was extremely relaxed and smashed out a top grade effort (no shame in admitting it). So get ready Nigella I am coming for you (in a more pissed, less sexy manner).

4. My Husband Is A Dirty Cheat. Not in the way you may assume thank goodness but I have still made a shocking discovery this Christmas and New Year…We love a good board game when we have people over (I realise this sounds a bit Jerry and Margot off the Good Life) it’s always a drink-fuelled giggle. I have discovered some very conniving traits in my hubby when faced with losing. One example involves this man managing to coerce everybody playing Monopoly that despite it being against the rules; we should all be able to strike deals to avoid becoming bankrupt. This then meant that he managed to negotiate, bribe and worm himself from what is the equivalent to a homeless hobo to a property tycoon in the matter of an hour. There are many more examples I could go into but lets just say he could give Raymond Reddington (The Blacklist) a run for his money!

Happy New Year everyone, make it a good one!


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